Good morning friends in Christ.
I was pondering the question raised recently about the challenges women in our churches are facing and even more so, weighing the responses in order to find acceptable ways to deal with these situations.
Even though I am convinced that the majority of our congregations are not seriously troubled by these issues the fact does remain that there are congregations where this hostile treatment of women is very apparent. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sexism as: “prejudice or discrimination based on sex and behavior, conditions, or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on gender”. Yet, it should also be noted that the abuse of women does not always derive from males! I myself had endured much opposition and merciless attacks from other women aimed at my non-conformism to the typical and historical prescribed role of a woman. So, let us not just label the men as the sexist opposition.
Let’s get good and angry!
The root of this discourse has a long history but was awakened by two recent events that came to my attention. A pastor’s wife that was requested by the elder of her Church to render a summery of “the role of the woman in the Church” followed by a disturbing phone call my husband received from a lady in a neighboring Conference concerning the “well organized sexism” that is taking place in her sphere of the Church. Her congregation forms part of a well-known district that is served by a Senior pastor assisted by one intern pastor. Apparently during the planning for each year, women will be included on the preaching roster for events such as International Women’s Day. But, according to this furious lady, the Senior Pastor would find some way or another to remove the women from the pulpit. Either he would make sure that there is another pastor in the congregation and then simply instruct the female preacher of the day to step down or he would suddenly make changes in the schedule such as moving the communion service to the International Women’s Day event and thus rendering the entire event null and void.
Another of our colleagues in our own Conference tried to elect a male as Women’s Ministries Leader in his congregations because he does not approve of females on his church boards. Upon discussion of the reasons for such decisions the excuses would vary from women in the congregations being labeled as the “trouble-makers” and the “emotionally unbalanced” to “women have a different role or place in society than men”. Some years ago, one of our congregations appointed a female elder for the fist time in their history. One of her co-elders wrote her a letter telling her that the concept of women as elders are derived from pagan temple prostitutes. He told her that women were created by God to fulfill certain “functional duties” and hence her acceptance of the elder-ship deemed her a “Church whore”. This precious woman was in her sixties and a mega-soul-winner in the Church. This disgusting letter broke her heart. She was physically ill for quite some time. This same man told us that (according to him) there are currently no women in Heaven, referencing to Moses, Elijah and Enoch. He continued to make the following statement: “Because of the sins of Eve, Heaven will remain locked for every female until God Himself see it fit to let them in.”
Well, now I have you all terribly negative and ready to take up the sword and chop of some ears! We can continue with these devastating stories and heartbreaking testimonies of such abusive behavior until we will most probably be able to fill a few volumes of Church horror saga’s! The question is not whether or not this is actually happening or even on what scale it is escalating. The question is how are we going to deal with it?
Reactions to Church bullying:
Over the years I have noticed two basic reactions towards such Church bullying (for this is in fact what it is). The women in question will either retaliate or retreat. Neither of these options are very productive. Retaliation has the potential to cause serious damage within the Church as people have the tendency to choose sides and thus a rift may occur. We as women are very passionate about what we believe in and thus it does not take much to push us towards emotional eruptions. Quickly will you then hear the naysayers: “Told you these women are nothing but trouble-makers!” Even if we try to eliminate these attacks by Church bully’s in a peaceful manner, I have come to realize that they are much more relentless than the victim. And so, with in the blink of an eye the entire Church is turned into a war-zone and Satan is smiling all the way to the bank!
Some ladies will be so scarred by these types of actions against them that they simply retreat into oblivion. They disappear from the leadership and even the most basic life of the Church to the point where you are hardly aware of their existence. They are not fighters and these battalions of criticism and condemnation that are targeting their worth on base of gender comes to such a shock to their souls that they flee from every possible area in Church where they might encounter such prejudice. Although the sexist throng are now silenced and happy that the status quo has been restored the Church is being impoverished by a multitude of indispensable talents that goes unnoticed and unused because it is encapsulated in a female form.
So, I can try to provide all the victimized maidens of the Church with more ammunition to use in a feminist crusade and rise as their leader to purge God’s vineyard of these spiritual fruit-flies who are destroying the very health of the harvest! But never has the Lord ever requested us to engage in such “holy crusades”. We as Christians to not have a “Christian jihad” where we are burdened with the “holy” task of purifying the Church. We are called to take the message of good hope to every corner of the world. The moment we get sucked into the snare of useless debates with unconverted people we are wasting precious time that could have been spend in seeking the lost.
There is a third option:
So, what am I saying? Just Let it go? Let the sexists have their positions of authority in the Church? Let them get away with their miserable attitudes? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying! Because besides retaliation and retreat there is a third option. Re-positioning. This has been an indispensable lesson the Lord took quite some time to teach me. To re-position will require at least three vital aspects to comprehend its potential, its bliss and its efficiency. But it is guaranteed to rejuvenate your faith in God, your faith in people and your faith in your own God given abilities. Are you willing to try? Well, if you have been a victim of sexism in the Church you have been subjected to much worse so you might as well go make yourself a nice cup of tea, take a deep breath and find a quiet spot to read the rest of this article. Shall we begin?
Task number 1 towards re-positioning:
Open your heart to the Lord and ask His forgiveness. Are you wondering why you have to ask forgiveness? Well, it is one of two sins that have been harboring in your heart. Either you have been chopping of ears with your fierce sword of vengeance or you have been crying lonely in a corner feeling utterly sorry for yourself. Believe me I know, because I had to repent of both! The problem with being a victim of a sexist attack is that without knowing it we are questioning our worth in the Church and immediately after that we are uncertain of our calling into the Vineyard of the Lord. All Satan has to do to remove a worker from the field is to sow a seed of doubt in their own abilities and divine appointment. Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4 all provide lists of spiritual gifts. None of them state that some are reserved for males and other for females. And none of these passages says that there are people who get nothing either! Yet, all of them state that these gifts are to be used to edify the body of Christ (which is the Church). Thus, you have the equipment to do God’s work and a mandate to go and do it according to Mathew 28:19-20. So, the first task towards re-positioning sounds simple but it must be a redefining moment in your spiritual growth. Repent. Forgive those that have injured you – God will deal with them in His own time. And define your worth and calling in God.
Need some help? Repeat after me.:
- I have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. My name is written in palm of His hand. God died that I might have life thus my worth in the Church and on this Earth, was already determined by Him through His sacrifice on the cross.
- According to Mathew 28:19-20 I am called to proclaim the everlasting message of Jesus Christ. Being a woman does not absolve me from this command neither does it render me incapable or unworthy.
- I repent of the storms that have been raging in my heart.
- I forgive those who do not acknowledge my worth and calling in Christ.
- I report for duty at the door of the most High God.
Task number 2 towards re-positioning:
Re-position! What do I mean by that? When you are stuck in a congregation that is riddled with sexism, don’t leave the Church! Re-position. If they do not want women in the leadership, back off. If they do not want women on the pulpit, don’t push it, back off. There might be many new converts or young people in that congregation and the damage this fight may cause their delicate souls is not worth the risk. You might not want to hear this but I will say it again - BACK OFF! In the first task, you have closed the door on your oversensitive, wounded heart and feelings. Now it is time to smile and let them have their way. Because YOU are going to re-position! Re-position where?
To a place where God can optimally utilize your talents. Outside the Church. Focus on evangelism for this is what we have been called to do. You do not need a certificate of approval from your Church board to do evangelism. You also do not need the funding of the Church board or a special committee to do evangelism. Leave the leadership of that congregation to the sexists (and remember these can be men and women!) and re-position yourself with your face towards the dying world who is hungry for the Bread of Life. All this basically means is that instead of engaging in a series of useless, fruitless arguments that does not edify the body of the Christ, re-position and start with productive service in the community. Instead of retiring into a pit of darkness and throwing yourself into a well of self-pity, re-position and go spread your heaped-up love over people who are in desperate need of it. There is an abundance of opportunities outside the of the Church with people who will appreciate even the slightest gesture of kindness. You will find that when you are actively working for souls a number of things will happen. Your own soul will grow. Your own heart will mend. And you will discover a revival of your faith.
To a place where God can optimally utilize your talents. Outside the Church. Focus on evangelism for this is what we have been called to do. You do not need a certificate of approval from your Church board to do evangelism. You also do not need the funding of the Church board or a special committee to do evangelism. Leave the leadership of that congregation to the sexists (and remember these can be men and women!) and re-position yourself with your face towards the dying world who is hungry for the Bread of Life. All this basically means is that instead of engaging in a series of useless, fruitless arguments that does not edify the body of the Christ, re-position and start with productive service in the community. Instead of retiring into a pit of darkness and throwing yourself into a well of self-pity, re-position and go spread your heaped-up love over people who are in desperate need of it. There is an abundance of opportunities outside the of the Church with people who will appreciate even the slightest gesture of kindness. You will find that when you are actively working for souls a number of things will happen. Your own soul will grow. Your own heart will mend. And you will discover a revival of your faith.
Need some help? Repeat after me.:
- The leadership of the Church is not the only place God can use me. I do not want to damage the tender souls of new converts and young people and therefore I will re-position myself to look outside of the Church for evangelistic opportunities.
- I will stop thinking that evangelism cost a lot of money. It’s only cost is time. Once I have removed myself from all the committees I will have ample time to do this work.
- I will leave the positions of the sexist congregation to those who covet it. I will continue to pray for them.
- I will spend much time in prayer and preparation for this task. Only Christ’s method of evangelism holds true success.
- I will daily pray: “Teach me, oh, my Lord!”
Task number 3 towards re-positioning:
Decide what you want to be and do it! For this next task you have to be aware of the consequences of your re-positioning. We will request the prophet Nehemiah to assist us with this delicate matter. He was stuck with a thorn in the flesh by the name of Sanballat. Nehemiah was rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem and Sanballat, was giving him a hard time, even spreading false rumors about him and causing major trouble. In Nehemiah 6:1-3 we see a defining moment in the struggles Nehemiah had with this Church bully: “Now it came to pass, when Sanballat, and Tobiah, and Geshem the Arabian, and the rest of our enemies, heard that I had builded the wall, and that there was no breach left therein; (though at that time I had not set up the doors upon the gates;) That Sanballat and Geshem sent unto me, saying, Come, let us meet together in some one of the villages in the plain of Ono. But they thought to do me mischief. And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?”
Did you get it? Decide what you want to be. If you want to be a builder of the God’s Church then build. Ignore the attacks. Ignore the Sanballat’s – the Church bully’s. It will be difficult for as with Nehemiah this Sanballat guy just would not give up! He came back day after day to the building site to scream and criticize and spread false information and trying to ruin Nehemiah’s reputation. But the prophet of God was founded upon two solid truths: He knew he was called to finish a job and He knew he was not doing it alone! The day you re-position your focus outside of the normal congregational setting you will encounter trouble. Satan is very happy as long as everybody is fighting. As soon as you acknowledge your worth and your calling and you re-position yourself towards the souls outside of the Church, Satan will unleash his full fury on your efforts! You must spiritually grow even though no one else around you do. You must become a spiritual, physical and emotional mature and healthy disciple that is under full control of the Holy Spirit.
Need some help? Repeat after me.:
- I am a builder. I am a sower. I am a fruitful worker in the vineyard of my God.
- I am not alone. Mathew 28:20 is the promise that God will be with me until the end of this world.
- I will seek God’s face daily to ensure that I am on par with His route for my calling.
- I will continue to love and pray for my Church.
This is not the end:
Stop fighting.
Stop crying.
Re-position.
Get your instructions and guidance from the Lord.
Start working.
Love you all!
Roné Fürstenburg
